Once in a marathon (I can’t remember which one or when), I ran behind a guy with a shirt that said “Shut up and run.” I repeated that phrase to myself this morning and finally escaped a mental rut, where I had been wallowing in self-defeating self-talk.
The thoughts collide like this:
I can’t run track because I feel too slow and heavy.
I’m getting slower and heavier because I’m not running track.
I’m overeating and procrastinating because I’m stressed and overwhelmed.
I’m more stressed because I’m overeating and further behind because I’m procrastinating.
I’m mindful that I am not eating mindfully.
I want to run with coach and friends to help me work through this.
I don’t want to run with others when I feel so lame.
I can’t believe I’m this small-minded and self-absorbed.
I’ll run when I feel better.
I won’t feel better unless I run.
Even when I look objectively at my situation and take in the bigger picture — e.g., my extremely fortunate position in life and all that I have accomplished; the backdrop of yesterday’s Inauguration, which marks the dawn of a new era and a victory for hope and idealism — even then, I can’t turn off the mental chatter that sabotages what I strive for and makes me unpleasant to be around (just ask my husband and kids).
Until I tell myself: Shut up and run. (more…)