My Oprah Moment and Lessons Learned
Back in January, on the cover of O Magazine, Oprah revealed she topped 200 pounds and lamented in bold type, “How did I let this happen again?”
I had my mini-Oprah moment about three weeks ago.
It happened after I decided to stop weighing myself for a while and “just listen to my body” since I’m “eating mindfully.” Unfortunately, around this time I also began enhancing my appreciation for the Trappist monks’ tradition of creating hand-crafted, complex brews straight from heaven. Given how much I’m running and cross-training, I didn’t think this would be a problem. But one morning, when I felt particularly heavy and foggy-headed following a rich dinner washed down with Belgian ale, I figured I should check my weight. That was the “O” moment, as in “O Shit!” Over a month, my weight had jumped a solid 5 pounds above the high point of my usual weight range (128 – 132), which meant I was about 7 pounds above where I wanted to be for racing the marathon.
I went to the recycling bin and dug up a Belgian beer bottle, looking for a calorie count. The label didn’t list it, but it did state that the alcohol level was 9%. Another “O” moment ensued. No wonder I liked the taste and feeling of this beer so much — it has the alcoholic equivalent of malt liquor!
For many people, 5 pounds is trivial. But for me, it meant I had blown my training “big time.” There I stood, five weeks away from trying to beat my previous best marathon time (3:11), which I ran two years ago weighing about 7 pounds less. In spite of all my training, in spite of everything I’ve learned about nutrition and the psychology behind healthy eating, I had sabotaged my efforts.
I share all this because several people have asked how my training is going in advance of the March 1 Napa Marathon. Others have wanted to know how my experiment in mindful eating (which I wrote about for a local magazine) is going. The lesson learned is that we have to learn lessons over and over before we actually start to get it, and (here comes the real lesson) it’s this process of trying to succeed and bouncing back from setbacks that often proves most valuable.
What did I do after stepping on the scale and reading the beer bottle’s label? First, I told Morgan about it and found the humor in the situation. My mindful eating, I told him, had become an acceptance of second helpings, as in, “Don’t mind if I do!” I had to admit it was pretty damn funny that my vow to make the most of this training cycle by doing everything right — not just running higher, faster mileage 6 days per week, but also doing my best with nutrition, physical therapy, strength training and adequate sleep — had left me feeling like I was back in college during my pre-running, burrito-lovin’ days.
Next, I asked myself why I was drinking and eating too quickly and excessively, ignoring my sensation of fullness. I realized I was stressed about the goal I had established for myself at Napa and on some level, consciously or unconsciously, was putting my goal out of reach so that it would be more reasonable to run a slower time. I didn’t want to go for my goal because I didn’t want to work that hard to reach it — and didn’t want to fail at trying. That’s what perfectionists do: We avoid taking risks because we fear failure. We set the bar low and stay in our comfort zone so we can be sure we’ll succeed. Lots of people have told me I could run sub-3:05, maybe even 3 hours. They urge me to go for it — what have I got to lose? I say no, I’m just aiming for 3:10, and I keep my expectations in the safe range.
Finally, I reminded myself, “Make the process the goal.” It’s a saying and belief I adopted a couple of years ago while coming back from injury. I run best and stay healthy when I run day by day, week by week, with the goal being healthy, smart, mindful training. A great race time may be the byproduct of that process, but it shouldn’t be the primary goal.
I kicked the Belgian ale and let’s-split-a-bottle-of-Chardonnay habits and went back to making a nice glass of wine with dinner the exception, not the norm. I re-read what I wrote about mindful eating and tried to follow my own advice. And I stuck to my training schedule, peaking and then starting to taper. Thankfully, my body responded and my weight re-calibrated to its normal range. I’m at the high point of that range but I feel normal — and stronger — and have to believe that the strength training has added to my muscle mass, which means a higher weight, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
On long runs, I reminded myself of another lesson learned: That for marathons, it’s best to have a range for a goal rather than dreaming exclusively of one magic number. That way, if you look at your watch during the race, do the math and realize you may miss that number, you don’t give up completely. Hence, I adopted a 10-minute range with the following guideposts: dream (3:05), fantastic (3:10) and I’ll still respect myself in the morning (3:15).
As I review my training log, I forgive myself for my “O” moment and gain confidence from the miles and speedwork logged. I ended last year with a 50K (Dec. 23), started the year with a marathon (the Jan. 3 Epiphany trail run), took a recovery week with minimal running, and then ran 45 – 55 miles/week plus cross-trained. On weekends I ran the following miles for long runs: 23, 20, 13, 21 and 15, and on the last three long runs I progressed to marathon goal pace. Yesterday morning I went to the track and gutted out 10 Yasso 800s, each interval in the 3:10 – 3:03 range, which, according to Yasso’s formula, would predict a sub-3:10 marathon time.
Now I’m ready to taper for the next 10 days and accept that whatever happens on marathon day, happens. It may pour rain. I may have stomach problems and waste time with a potty break every few miles. Or I may have my best race ever. At this point I care less about it because I relearned some valuable lessons over the past three weeks, and I feel a lot of accomplishment from the training itself. Each day between now and the race, I’ll tell myself what I repeated in my head at the track: “Keep it steady and maintain. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Relax. Breathe. Enjoy. Good job.”
Tags: marathon, mindful eating, Napa Marathon, Oprah, Running